Styles of parenting

Styles of parental discipline, as outlined by Maccoby and Martin (1983) may be classified on a four-fold matrix, including: Authoritative, Authoritarian, Indulgent, and Neglecting. Both of the latter two could be categorized as laissez-faire, although what is behind each style has important differences. In structural terms, the parent-child boundaries, in a neglectful situation, are diffuse. The parent ignores, or does not intervene in the child's behavior out of a lack of concern. The generational hierarchy is essentially flat. In families where parents have gotten into a pattern of habitually indulging their children, role reversals may be apparent. Rather than being in charge, the adult is placed beneath the child in the hierarchy, and the child is in control. In authoritarian relationships, rigid interpersonal boundaries and behavioral roles lock the system into an expectation that the children will do as they are told. However, as children grow and develop, particularly into adolescence, this style is bound to lead to stress and conflict as the youth attempts to test limits or stretch beyond old boundaries. The child may also learn to relate to the parent, legalistically, looking for loopholes or opportunities to pull something over. The most functional parenting style, and the only one based on real interpersonal respect and appropriate acknowledgement of the child's developmental limits, is described as authoritative. In this situation, interpersonal boundaries are clear. The generational hierarchy is such that that parent figures are elevated above children in the system, but the parents are not so rigid as to refuse to occasionally bend the rules when appropriate, or listen to the children's concerns. In this type of system, the parent is more akin to a watchful teacher than a lawgiver or judge; or (as in a permissive vein) a peer or even a sugar daddy.

A truly authoritative parenting style, as described above, is probably the most difficult of the four styles. It often takes more energy discuss and accommodate - to communicate - than to simply give instructions and see they are followed. Likewise, authoritative parents must worker harder than parents who simply indulge a child's every whim, even though this may not be particularly pleasant either. At the other end of the energy commitment spectrum, neglect is the easiest of all. But then, it's even an easier thing not to have children at all.

REFERENCE

Maccoby, E.E. Martin, J.A. (1983). Socialization in the context of the family. In P.H. Mussen (Ed.). Handbook of child psychology, (Vol. 4, 4th ed.). New York: Wiley.

Thomas S. Rue, M.A., NCC
March 18, 1991

The University of Iowa - College of Education
Psychological and Quantitative Foundations 31:163
The Adolescent and Young Adult

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